November

A new semester is going to start,what is instore for me? I have no plans for All Souls Day but i was guided to light a candle for the soul of my dearly beloved. I am numb no tears to shed anymore but my son said, i feel like crying to know that grandma and grandpa are already gone.He understand after all what is like to lose someone you love. I told him when mom will die somebody will love you more than i do, It's God and don't be sad when i i am gone because i will be with God.With God there is no hunger and pain.Is that what's heaven is like Mommy? Yes.I hope my son will keep that faith in his heart.

Christmas is still two months away but i decided to start wrapping gifts for abused children.I need not money to do that,my son has outgrown a lot of things.I know i am not doing this orphans a favor but thay are the one who will make a difference in my life. Making them happy can heal my broken heart,they will teach me to detach myself from material things and open my heart instead.

First Semester

Time flies so fast, it's been 5 months and a lot happen when the school year started.Increase school tuition and bus fees (nothing is new), work and work and work but then again money is not everything,you think you can have it all but in can be taken away from you in an instant. I was burned out for my son's birthday and it did not stop there,the annual theater play and halloween made me so drain as well, i made young souls happy but in one semester what did it do to me?

It's a responsibility to provide the needs of children, it is suppose to be cherishing precious moments shared with them but when you strive so hard to pay for their happiness while you are also struggling with relationships around you..doing sacrifices..getting hurt..letting go, i am not sure if i already lost myself or not.

I think God does not like me to forget what my heart should desire. When i feel like I lost everything,God embraces me in so many surprising ways, His spirit, a friend i once help but is now helping me and possibilities as well. Quiet times with my son and doing nothing is also a priceless experience, that is when you don't compete with time,you don't rush,you don't go after money.

It can be scary sometimes to think about tomorrow's challenges but semestral break ends and believe new hope begins.

Flowers

I first taught him to be grateful, so i ask him to give his teacher a flower during Teacher's Day. It only happens once a year, i never taught he will learn something extra ordinary from that experience. I know he is happy to see a woman smiling when receiving flowers. To his delight, he made it a habit to pick wild flowers for me every afternoon when he arrives from school and tell me if the sunset is cheerful today or mysterious.

When he ask me what's my favorite flower? I said, it's Roses. I was surprised, of all his ways to make me feel valued, everytime he draws a Rose for me. He look for photos of roses and share it with me. He reminds me to pause for awhile and watch a Rose in the garden and believe it is really beautiful. For hin to be happy is to find time to appreciate the gift of beauty and grace.

One day i thought things have change and outdoors are for boys who love to get dirty..period! No more no less. He started using the toy set that i bought for him, a pail and a shovel that was rarely use because we only go to the beach once a year. He said, i have a science project in mind. I thought it's just frog hunting.

I was amazed as he showed me his first flower arrangement. Pot,sand, twigs, wild flowers and leaves beautifully arrange just for me.

But he never stop, just recently he said: Mommy, i have a surprised for you, come here! he asked me to faced a mirror and closed my eyes. He tucked something in my ear and when he said: Mommy you are beautiful! When i opened my eyes, indeed, i look like a Hawaiin dancer, a big flower tucked in my ear.

Give and take equals pure joy shared. I don't know what lies ahead, for now, I thank God to have a son who exactly knows how to make a woman happy and loved.

SUMMER

Summer is almost over and i have not been writing lately. I was busy with a lot of other things. Not just myself and work but for my little boy. Kyle is just 5 years old but i was already overwhelmed with his summer activities. I remember, when i was his age, i was just at home solving puzzles and reading books. No tv that time,it was only when i was 7 years old that summer became fun and exciting. I met new friends through summer bible study but i was never a Santacruzan queen or princess, i wonder why (laughing out loud). Anyways, this time, it's way much different for my son.

There's summer camp,summer sports training,voice and musical instrument lessons, stop.. my head starts to ache, trying to figure out what's best for my son or what fits my budget? Well,i did not chose any of it. I need to be practical. I enrolled him in McDonald's Kiddie Crew Workshop. It was just for 5 days but he was complaining almost everyday. " Mom,it's hard to work, do i get a salary?" ha,ha,ha! They don't get cash of course but every after duty, Kiddie Crews get to enjoy a McDonald Meal.

My son is the yougest of the last batch. I'm proud he is not the shy type and loves to deliver food to customer's table with the baby voice saying " enjoy your meal! " followed by a McSmile. During their closing ceremonies, they were given certificate,awards, party bags and toys as freebies. The P500 registration probably goes to their uniform,a kiddie Crew neon cap, bag and shirt. Not bad.

But what else made me busy whole summer? I rememeber, i was sorting out things. School will open soon and i was looking for things from annual school supplies list that can be recycled. I was also stealing some time, after buying groceries, looking for sale items like clothing and school bag for my son. I only purchase products that are 50% off.Having old or new things, it doesn't matter, I need to save money.

And of course...never ending work. I need to contibue earning because the registration, bus fare and school tuition fees is already twice the price compare to last year's rate. My son would be attending the whole day program because it's his last year in kindergarten.I also realize, i must make every dinner really special because we won't be eating breakfast and lunch together anymore, he will be in school whole day while i work at home.

So, how's MY SUMMER? No summer vacation,no time for beach hopping even a dip at the clubhouse pool. Birthday spend with no party plans either but a surprise mango cake and crispy chicken from my family was enough to end the day confused, because i'm getting older, ha,ha,ha, but thankful...i'm still here,still breathing and fighting but my favorite of all, loving...

Summer is suppose to be fun and i'm lucky for the chance to be with my son all year round.

FEEL GOOD TV SERIES

The story of "Lovers" revolves around the lives of Ha Kang Jae and Yoon Mi Joo. Kang Jae and Mi Joo are two people from very different worlds who fall in love with each other. Mi Joo is a simple and kind-hearted soul who teaches Kang Jae to be a "better person". Ironically he leaves his love-time love to be with Mi Joo.

Kang Jae to Mi Joo - "You once asked why I saved trash like you. I am trying - to not be trash."

Kim Jung Eun as Yoon Mi Joo
Mi Joo is a plastic surgeon. She is a feisty happy-go-lucky character. Her father is a poor country pastor who runs an orphanage. She works to support her family. Her dream is to open a hospital of her own. By chance, she saves Kang Jae's life when he was stabbed in an attack. She finds herself slowly falling for Kang Jae.

Lee Seo Jin as Ha Kang Jae
Kang Jae is an orphan who was taken in by President Kang (a gangland boss) when he was sixteen. He rose through the ranks in President Kang's organization and is the trusted right-hand man of President Kang. He is a loyal servant and does not crave benefit for himself. As such, the other trusted lieutenants of President Kang are jealous of him and plot to bring about his downfall.

Kim Kyu Ri as Park Yoo Jin
Yoo Jin first met Kang Jae when he went to threaten her to pay her father's debts. They became lovers and were together for 6 years before Mi Joo came onto the scene. She is also Sae Yeon's first love.

Jung Chan as Kang Sae Yeon
Sae Yoon is President's son. He has always felt neglected by his father. He developed a hatred for Kang Jae when his father gave Kang Jae the watch which President Kang always wore. He is in competition with Kang Jae his whole life, even losing the woman he loves to Kang Jae.

Virgin Mary's Song Of Praise

Oh, How I praise the Lord, how i rejoice in God our Savior!
For He took of His lowly servant girl,
And now generation to generation will call me blessed.
For He, the mighty one is Holy,
And He has done great things for me.
His mercy goes on to all who fear Him.
His mighty arms does tremendous things!
How He scatters the proud and arrogant,
He has taken princes in their thrones and exalted the poor.
He has satisfied the hungry with good things,
He sent the rich away with empty hands,
And how He has help His servant,
He has not forgotten His promise to be merciful,
For He has promise our ancestors and our children,
His merciful to them forever.

MUST WATCH: MAKES YOU CRAVE FOR HOT DELICIOUS PIE

CHANGE

The secret to change is to start with ourselves. I blame myself for a long time, for a lot of things i can't change. Maybe i have not done enough or maybe something is wrong with me.Years of emotional and psychological suffering made me believe that i can't have good dreams anymore,that it is not going to happen anyway.The only factor that keeps me going is holding on to a power that no one or nothing can measure up,FAITH.

Indeed,it's no longer realizing dreams but receiving blessings that i considered miracles.It seems impossible but it's there, gifts that, i don't know if i deserve them because I was hopeless all the time,my so called faith was weak. I know, i don't carry a heart of stone,even with faith, i still get hurt,bruised and broken. I can't change people around me,those who can't be satisfied,easy to anger,fast to judge,has no time to share,indifferent and those who can't seem to realize they are abusing even their lovedones is too heavy for a human heart to bear. We should not be use or thrown like just any material thing that can be bought and own. We are priceless even if we can't change the world. Our hope is, we can change ourselves.

A humble spirit is strong enough to withstand the tests of times. Just continue loving, praying, working and being grateful with what you already have. No one can destroy the goodness and generosity of God, so no one can stop you to be happy for as long as you want. And when we change into what we deserve, it's like others have change as well.

God works if you begin to change.I am wonderfully transform into His best creation.

The Art Of Relaxation

All work and no play will take the joy of life away.

How nice to recall being a child with no worries about tomorrow. All children think of, is the joy found in playing. When my mom died, i was only 8 years old, it was very difficult because i became so sensitive. I remember so many crying episode. Always afraid of anything new.

High school is much worse because i struggle with anorexia everytime i can't handle girl's aggression. College pressure also made me suffer pre-mentrual syndrome, so i was in and out of the hospital. I also lose so much weight when i started working in a hotel office because of lack of sleep. It's hard to adjust to change schedules.

When i got married and became a mom,it was a total of everything that i can do to sacrifice for my own needs. It took awhile to be able to balance my time by also working at home and not just being a full time mom.

My son can't sleep without me by his side but at the end of the day,that's the only time i have for myself not to relax but to work online. When the house is clean,meals cooked,dishes and laundry washed,put my son to bed,it's the time i face the computer.

I'm tired and sleepy but i love this job. Everyday is a learning experience,besides i take breaks by chating with other moms and i become so awake.Talking about our apprehensions will help us see perspective that can guide us with our decisions.Girl friends makes the world a brighter place. Poor connection makes me cry sometimes. I am disappointed everytime i can't meet a deadline. But overall working online keeps me sane and sorted out.

Early in the morning i realy hate to scream but if i won't be firm, my son would have missed school often. But before he leaves we give each other a hug and a constant reminder to pray for safety when he is riding the bus. I worry when i'm not with him sometimes but when my son is not around that's the only time i enjoy peace and quiet,take a long hot bath,chew breakfast slowly,polish my nails and read a book.

I think as i grew older, i am more insisting to keep peace with my soul. It's not easy to be home with my son but we share many comforting moments. He shares jokes,anything he can think of to make me laugh. He updates me about additional knowledge he gain with his interests. He cares for me,so i better smile most of the time because it makes him happy,too.We say sorry to each other if one of us makes mistakes. Forgiveness sets you free. Anger is a heavy load to bear. It can be difficult to control, that's why health is not just for the body but the mind and spirit as well.

Let's not be hard on ourselves, we can have a little treat here and there. Sitting quiet in the garden or an hour at the spa when we need to go out like pay the bills and buy groceries. We function at our best if we believe we deserve time for rest. If we find ways to refresh ourselves by doing what we love and taking new challenges one at a time. We become a new person everytime we accomplish things that enhance our skills. But it's also very important to renew our faith. A daily reflection is a wonderful guide and making a journal even if it makes you cry will bring a sense of relief by acknowledging the goodness in ife.

Slow down, enjoy the little things life bring. The beauty of the morning glory flower at sunrise. The restful scenery of sunset. A child's laughter. A soft kiss. A warm hand to hold. Precious moments to find peace and serenity.

What else can i ask for?

BE HAPPY

More veggies, less meat
More vinegar, less salt
More fruits, less sweets
More water, less soda
More deeds, less talk
More sharing, less desires
More walk, less rides
More laughter, no anger
More prayer, no worries
Be happy, it's free!

PLEASE DON"T GO

Here I am, alone and i don't understand. Exactly how it all begun,the dreams just fade away. I'm holding on,I know, but the passion's gone. Yet from the start, maybe i was trying so hard. It's crazy, because it's breaking my heart. Things can fall apart but i know,that i don't want you to go.....

REFLECTION OF LOVE

A baby's first impression of the world is through feelings. As the moon reflect the sun, children reflect love. If we give love to our child,they will love us back.

LAST DAY OF CLASS

Dear Kyle,

I hope to see you again this summer. Let's play. Follow the gray house in Xavier Estates. Look for the black gate and a black dog, her name is Britney. Thank you for being my best friend in school. I'll miss you.

Love,

Mesoo

CHOICE

It is not destiny that determines love, it is choice. Destiny is a lie, relationship lasts long not because they are destined forever. It lasts because two brave souls made a choice to keep it, fight for it and work for it.

Meanwhile, other relationship fail not because they are meant to fail but one or both couple made the choice to set each other free.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Forgiveness is setting free even if the pain is not completely gone and it is hoping that slowly the heart can manage to open it's door so love can find it's home once again like the fragrance of a rose after being crushed.

LEARN FROM LIFE

I love to read books but bestsellers are expensive. After the famous “Purpose Driven Life” comes a new talk about life changing book, “Your Best Life Now” by Joel Osteen,and it costs P435 at the National Bookstore. On my birthday, I promise I will buy it, as a gift to my inner self that badly needs to refresh.

Getting information online is faster and cheap but I still can’t get enough. It’s complicated for low-tech, I'm like a child, still learning how to explore the cyber world. Since I was little, my dad reads the daily paper and sets aside the fun pages for me. I also outgrown pre-school coloring books and fairy tales and move on to Sweet Dreams and Danielle Steel novels during my teen years. Yet none of the male characters has come alive for me. In college, all the boys seems blind.

Finals drove me crazy and force me to check-in at the nearest hospital after I passed my thesis because i was having difficulty in breathing and palpitations. Yet “Sexism in Language” got a fair grade.

While transferring from one office work to another, I started to love collecting magazines and I was contributing articles not for paycheck but for freebies only. Reading and writing keeps me sane. I studied “Freelance Journalism “ but I was destructed by the idea of being an entrepreneur and change direction into Floral, Candle and Interior Design business.This time still not for a stable payroll or successful sales. Instead i chose to join competitions and offer free services to family and friends. But I was happy.

A subscription of “Mission Magazine” open doors inside a dusty and dark space of my soul that i had denied for long time. I wanted to be a hopeful presence for the large number of poor children all over the world. Yet it did not happen, I was holding a “Bridal Magazine” instead. Not all brides get to experience their dream wedding; mine was the simplest and most practical event. I just borrowed my gown, enjoy and feel good on it for a few hours nothing to be passed on my daughter if I will have one. Lucky I have a son.

Having him is the reason I began to look forward to monthly issues of “Moms and Babies”. It was helpful since my mom wasn’t around to help me; I managed six years of parenting and still learning. Being a stay at home mom is tough, a “ Survival Guide” reminds me to be accepting and grow at the same time but in silence I hear myself becoming tired, weary and sad.

Scholarships for home-based work, starts to give me sparks of hope. Medical Transcription and English Proficiency courses were offered by the President for free. U. S. companies and foreign buyers are outsourcing jobs to poor countries, because they pay less for our services, it's still a good news for home bodies. Savings on daily expenses like fare,make-up,uniform,stockings and shoes when you need to go out and report to the office instead in the comfort of your own home.

Six years of Google and Yahoo Search seems hopeless but thank God for "Women Power", helping each other survive and find a better life. In "Female Network" an online job discussion had change lives. More and more women are being hired simply because of a Filipina with a kind heart who started it all and guide others how to work at home and earn as much as you can manage. 43,000 providers only 3,000 jobs available in "Odesk" at present, it did not make her think twice to help others. She is now blessed with 5 projects all at the same time but she never stop being a mom, a wife, a friend and an inspiration to all who were lost for awhile but now has come full circle for having a job.

After a hard day with house chores or when my son asks why I have to stay in front of my laptop and not sleep with him in bed just to beat a deadline at work, i want to know if spending less time with him is teaching him independence or neglect. Will an hour of my warm embrace enough before he wakes up and left for school? An advice from a pocket plan " How To Really Love Your Child" is to have eye contact,physical contact,focused attention and discipline. And the foundation is unconditional love. Moms are nurturing, organized and disciplined to be able to manage multi-tasking just like the opportunities and possibilities of a job online.

Experience is the best education, it doesn’t matter how the world look at you but it's how you smile at yourself every time you do something right. But we get valuable lessons from our mistakes,too. My son is like a magic mirror and I become beautiful in his eyes. I learn that’s what love can do. And in pain and letting go, I learn to stand alone, held my head up high and not cry. It’s how you see life that makes all the difference.

My son’s choices of books are all about animals, I wonder what is in store for a nature smart kid. A future veterinarian, a zookeeper or a marine biologist. I can’t guess, it’s for him to discover and enjoy life, as much as I did, even if, I’m a Jill of all trades expert of none.

If reading and writing helps us teach others to be fully aware of what is essential in life. Indulge, hop in, welcome to a world where you have the privilege to motivate and inspire others to respect life. It's worth living because we are only passing by.

I learn to be thankful to the one greater than us or than any success because it's the only moment i become satisfied. The only answer that i have been looking for since i was a child. He promise us a place where there is no sorrow,fear and pain and i am looking forward to that.

Letter to a Young Mistress

You badly need spiritual guidance from your family and as a Filipino citizen know what is against the law. Do not involve yourself in a psychological war, broaden your mind and analyze the problem.

RA9262 .Anti-Violence Against Women and Children.The psychological and emotional suffering, harm, pain and harassment done by the mistress to the legal wife and son,deprivation of rights and mental infidelity is against the law.

Violence is not a private matter. Victims should be supported by family and friends, but because it is a crime, it is subject to public scrutiny. A woman should love and value herself. She could be a complete person even without a man in her life. What matters most , is her courage to stand for her rights and to be be free from violence. Anyone can belong to a family even without a father. Quantity does not make a family. What is important is love, respect and commitment. The legal family should be treated with respect and dignity.

Did you decide to be in a complicated relationship just for fun?

Do not threaten me that i will lose a husband and my son will lose a father if we will stand for our rights. Love does not stand still, it either grows or dies. I know my worth. It's the other way around. I am fighting for my son's psycholgical, emotional and financial needs. I am going after a quality life as opposed to security. This is not about, if the money is right, but doing what is right, for my family.

I thank God, for all the great blessings and all the good things He has done for me. I hope it's not too late for you to live a peaceful life that i have been fighting for all these years.If you came from a broken family it is not a valid reason to wreck ours. You can be a complete person by knowing your worth. You are still young and you can have God's best depends upon your choices.

Accept and respect our rights to rebuild our lives.

IN THE EYES OF A CHILD

A child was smiling when he saw his mom wearing a pink dress. He said : " Mom everytime you wear pink, you are beautiful. You are as pretty as a princess, a flamingo, a Lady Power Ranger, a piglet, a flower and a bubble gum."

I was speechless but i can't contain the joy in my heart. I realize in his eyes all good things are beautiful. I gave him my warmest hug. I know, that day was priceless.

ONCE A PRINCESS

My mom got pregnant few months after her wedding day. My parents did not follow any techniques for an accurate sex selection of their future baby or discuss wanting a boy or a girl, I was simply born out of love and they just believe I was a gift.

Their firstborn child was a girl. My first memory as a child is reading a pink fairy tale book. I don't remember my mom reading it to me but I can recall I am pretending I know how to read the story while holding the book. The truth is I already memorize it. I have probably learned the tale from start to end by imitation.

It was a fictional story filled with fantasy characters and enchantments. It took place "once upon a time" and it was blessed with "a happy ending". If my mom considered my interests, why did she choose a fairy tale book? I wonder if my dad bought the book as a gift and my mom used it for bedtime story. I could no longer ask them now, they both died of cancer. Probably, they think of their daughter as their "little princess" or do I feel like one then?

The fairy tale book I am talking about is "Sleeping Beauty". The princess in the story is "Princess Aurora". She was named after the Roman Goddess of Dawn because she fills her parent’s lives with sunshine. Was I a sunshine in my parent’s lives, too? Can I connect fantasy to reality?

To continue the story of Sleeping Beauty, during Princess Aurora's christening, her fairy godmothers blessed her with gifts but the Mistress of Evil gave her a curse. She was already given beauty and marvelous voice, so instead of dying on her 16th birthday, the fairy godmother that has not yet bless her, use the gift to weaken the curse. Princess Aurora will just fall asleep until she is awakened by first love's kiss.

Fantasy uses magic while reality is what actually exists. A princess is traditionally describe as meant to marry a prince, gentle, refine, elegant and beautiful but in modern times the term "princess" can be used for the vain, spoiled, rich and famous. I was not any of that.

Nowadays, fantasy books are no longer recommended for children instead they develop skills for practical life. Do-it-yourself activities are now practice in schools and encourage in homes. The early the child is exposed to reality, the early he or she is able to adapt with his environment. To explore a child to everything observable and comprehensible is the key to future success.

I don't blame my parents for exposing me to fantasy and protecting me from the real world. I am thankful of how they raised and supported me until their last breath, because it made me the woman that i am today. If “Princess Aurora” is like a damsel in distress and requires a hero to dash to her rescue because she is sleeping, fragile and helpless. Am I?

From my daydreams, when I was a little girl, of a certain man that I would love someday, to a woman that I am today, who does her best to adapt to the realities of a modern world. I think, I’m on my own. Prince Philip does not exist in my world. I am responsible for my own happiness.

In Sleeping Beauty, Princess Aurora was arranged to marry Prince Philip. The fairy godmothers asked Prince Philip's help to save Princess Aurora from the Mistress of Evil who turned into a dragon. Prince Philip’s Shield of Virtue protected him from the dragon's blazing fire and the Sword of Truth was plunged into the dragon's heart and killing her. Prince Philip then climbed into Princess Aurora's chamber and broke the curse with a kiss. They danced waltz and were happy that they were really meant for each other.

Feminist criticism studies the repression of women in fiction. It's a type of literary criticism that studies and advocates the rights of women. Traditionally, women who becomes "homemaker", describe as one who manage the family is what the society used to think of women's future. Get married, have children,takes care of family and house chores. It is part of our culture and values that women must find satisfaction at home. Even in fiction our roles has not change.

Things have change in reality; modern women have access to careers. It is our right to think of our future, plan and get an education to accomplish goals. Our horizon is now broaden and our identities are altered not just to manage a family and bear children but we can also decide to achieve success in any fields of activity even without needing a man to realize it. Others find it sad but those who chose a different life believe they are able to achieve fulfillment and happiness. Women who survive the challenge of being alone after a broken marriage embrace peace because there is always hope.

I no longer read a fairy tale book or hug it in bed. I spent most of my time seizing opportunities that comes my way. I have grown strong over the years, forgetting, that I was once a "little princess" in my parents eyes.

My world is entirely different now. I believe women should not be repressed in reality or in fiction. Women should be protected from any violence and live in safe and secured environment . Their dignity should be valued and their rights should be respected.

We can't ask the world to be gentle to us, instead let's love ourselves and be strong to face challenges that lie ahead. We should plan, learn and work for our future because life is not a fairy tale, happiness isn't waiting in the end. It's in you.

Discover it. Nourish it. Celebrate being a woman. Enjoy being you.